Angry Birds Space: Relaunched/Dialogue

Opening:
Narrator: Five peaceful months have passed since the pigs last attempt at feasting on the birds’ eggs. It seemed nice, quiet and peaceful. However, knowing their luck, it was not meant to be.

Chuck: Oh no! Look!

Narrator: It was an eggstroid portal! However, this one was different.

Matilda: What IS that?

Red: That’s the portal we told you about!

Matilda: Oh, so it WASN’T a story?

Bomb: Wait, you DOUBTED us?!

Blues: Aaah! The eggs!

Narrator: No, this time, there was no bird of ice crashing down from the sky. Instead, it sucked the entire terrain up, up, and even more up!

Red, holding on to eggs: Noooo!

Narrator: Their attempts at holding onto the eggs failed, and were lifted into the sky!

Then DARKNESS.

After a while the birds regained consciousness. They were in a cargo hold. Of a crude spaceship. Looking out into the glass Red saw something.

Red: The pig’s symbol! Great.

Blues: Stand back, Red. We got this. Hyyah!

Narrator: Breaking the glass, the birds were pulled into the cold vacuum of space. And this time, they realized. They had NO powers! They met a fate just like that of the many pigs they popped. They froze and crash onto an asteroid! Just before going unconscious, Red saw a blinding light in front of his eyes. And then closed them.

Welcome to the Chopper:
Red: Huh?! Where are we?

Pig: Well, welcome back to the waking world. You all were found knock out, snort. Welcome to our special prison ship. The CHOPPER.

Bomb: Let us out, pork Face!

Pig: Hah! That’s not on the job description! Enjoy your stay, feathery.... shapes! Hahaha! (noff noff)

Chuck: What do we do?

Terence: (growls)

Bomb: I got an idea. Help! I need help.

Pig: WOW he snapped quick. (opens cell) What’s the problem?

Matilda: He’s sick! He needs corn to feel better!

Pig: Corn? That’s- huh? AAAH! (Gets crushed by Terence)

Red: Wow, that’s smart, Bomb. But why specifically corn?.

Bomb and Matilda: Long story.

(The birds run out of their cell. Chuck looks through a window)

Chuck: Hey, look at that!

Red: Wow, they’re trying to rip off the slingshot.

Bomb: Didn’t THEY make the slingshot first, though?

(Alarm blares) Pig over PA: Code oink! Code oink! The birds have escaped! All porksonnel, capture them.

(Blues break the window) Blues: We gotta go! Let’s use this!

The Wardam
Wardam: So, the Angry Birds, eh? Hahauhaha, oink! For shapes, you all look rugged!

Red: Yeah, we are, now step down or get a big, bad beating, pig!

Wardam: Oh I would, BUT WE DON‘T HAVE FEET! HAHAH! Now, YOU prepare for a PIGGER, BADDER, BEATING!

On-screen text: Prisonork Boss: THE WARDAM

Back in Action!
Wardam: You, gentlemen... are the (cough) champions of champions.

Chuck: We did it! Who wants some- (something catches his eye) ice...?

Bomb: -cream? You were about to say ice cream, right?

Red: What the- (the birds run over to a cell with a blue glow in it. The birds break it open. It is Ice Bird.)

All except Matilda: Ice Bird?

Ice Bird: You all?

Blues: Ice Bird!

Matilda: Wait. This is the ice bird you were talking about?

Ice Bird: It’s wonderful to see you all again. Plus the madam. But now’s not a time to look back on nostalgia! I’m sure you seen what happening, right?

Red: The pigs?

Ice Bird: Yes. The pig army is back, and they got an armada of spaceships with them!

Bomb: How did they build all of this technology?

Ice Bird: They didn’t. They stole it from alien civilization. They are especially using portal technology to steal eggs!

Red: Yeah, they- wait not just OUR eggs?

Ice Bird: Eggs across the UNIVERSE. Many planets are suffering from this. I planned to stop them, but they imprisoned me here. And now I heard they’re going to establish the First PIGGY EMPIRE!

Chuck: Oh no! What can we do?

Ice Bird: Hmm... come here. (Transition into lab) Here, drink these. ( shows bottles with mysterious liquids in them. The birds drink them. Their bodies then glow brilliantly, transforming them into their space-powered forms.)

Bomb: Oh ho ho, I’m liking this!

Matilda: What happened to me?

Ice Bird: We have our powers back, plus she has some now; were ready to stop those pigs!

All: YEAH!

Strongham Stronghold
Blues: That’s a big tower.

Red: Look! They’re stealing eggs! And kidnapping the locals!

Ice Bird: Grrr! I won’t tolerate this! Let’s get them!

Meet the Alien Bird
???:με ελευθέρωσες!

Matilda: Uhh..

Chuck: Oh bless you. You need a tissue?

Ice Bird: Hang on, let me talk to her. μιλάω με ασυναρτησίες?

???: Ω, είμαι κι εγώ!

Ice Bird: She said her unborn child was stolen and would like to help us get them back.

???: Το όνομά μου έχει συνταχθεί.

Ice Bird: She likes the name “Alien Bird”

Red: Fair enough. Let’s go!

The Eggscavatork
Alien Bird: Ym gesg! Etrhe yteh rae!

Eggscavatork: Huh? Oh, I thought I was looking at the Angry Birds, but all I can see are just shapes with faces. Huahahah!

Ice Bird: Leave, Pig, these eggs, and this planet is not yours to dominate!

Eggscavtork: Oh who asked you! Yer on my turf now!

On-screen text: Meanie Miner: THE EGGSCAVATORK

Classified Information
Red: What’s this? (Picks ups letter) That eyepatches piece of bacon dropped something.

Alien Bird: Ym abbsie? (whine-like noise, and slouches down)

Ice Bird: (speaks in alien to Alien Bird.)

Red, reading note: “...does know how to throw a party. Also, I heard that the boss wants us to take the eggs, once they are excavated, to Sector P0RC, aka, the Pig Bang quadrant.”

Chuck: Pig Pang? Where our first space adventure began?

Ice Bird: Seems so, let’s go!

The Pig Rip
Red: Well, here we are.

Bomb: Wow, for pigs they really know how to fortify their fortresses.

Red: Indeed. We should get going, now. Let’s be ca- (camera pans out, showing that the other birds left Red.) Guys? ....wait for me.

Fore, man!
Foreman Pig: Come on! Pack it up! We can leave some stuff behind, but the important things we need are...(looks at notes)...the Space Bubble Soap, the UFO capsule, and the Space-Time Transfer..transportal...the magic vortex machine. Go go go!

Red: Wassup, pork belly!

Foreman: SQUEAL! How’d you get here? No matter. Minions! Get the SLAPPER.

Pig: Sorry boss, the Slapper was left on Earth.

Foreman: What?! YOU DIDN— ugh. Beggars can’t be choosers. (Pushes button on remote, which causes King Pig’s tank to fall.) If you won’t leave, I’LL DO IT MYSELF! Heaheahea!

On-screen text: Grampy Bacon: FOREMAN PIG

Black Meshog Inbound
Chuck: Whew! Worked up a sweat!

Matilda: Ohhh, I need to rest. (Leans on tower of crates, which causes it to collapse. A portal machine falls out of one crate, and activates, sucking the birds in.)

(The portal causes them to appear in a test chamber somewhere.

Bomb: Where are we?

Red: I dunno, but it smells like a pig’s sty. We need to be on guard. Let’s go!

Room with a view
Red, looking through glass on a viewing platform: Hello. Look at this!

(A pig wearing a hazard mask is seen bungee jumping into a violet portal.)

Chuck: Something tells me this is more complex than a cliche magician trick.

Ice Bird: That machine... it’s powered by an Eggstroid!

Red: Wait, they’re still using eggstroids?!

(The Pig bungee jumps out of the portal, with large egg in hand.)

Birds: (scream)

Bomb: They’re using the eggs to get the eggs! Oh ho! I get it!

Blues: We gotta stop em! Stand back! (They try to break the glass, but end getting smooshed on it.)

Ice Bird: That glass is too tough. We gotta go the long way.

Big Bork’s Revenge
Thin Pig: Whoo! What’s our count today?

Scientist pig: Uhh let’s see. Deedeedoo.... 62.

(explosion behind Thin Pig destroys the door behind him)

Red: UNHAND THOSE EGGS, PIGS!

Thin Pig: Oh ho! We meet again!

Chuck: Uhhh, who are you?

Thin Pig: Seriously? (Takes off mask) The Pig who tried eat that galaxy made of food? Ring any bells?

Bomb: Huh? OOOOhhh. You’re that fat pig. You’ve lost weight.

Thin Pig: Yes, thank to you. Now if you’ll excuse me. ( uses machine, creating a large tower) Hahaha! You’ll never pop me up here, suckers! Nof nof!

On-screen text: The Minuscule Big Boy: THIN PIG

What the flock?
Thin Pig: cough... you are most certainly the champion of champions.

Birds: Woo hoo! Yeah!

(the portal surges, causing something to come out, and bites Thin Pig)

Thin Pig: Owwch!... GRWAHHH!

On-screen text: BEAST BIRD

Unforeseen Hogsequences
(The Beast bird recoils back into the portal, which shuts down shortly afterwards.)

Ice Bird: Wha-What was that?

Matilda: I dunno. But it wasn’t friendly.

Red: If it was that hard to fight....THAT, imagine if we fight a HORDE of them.

Ice Bird: Let’s not think of it right now. There are still planets out there, with their eggs being stolen.

Alien Bird: Htaw od I ptu erhe.

Red: You heard the alien. Let’s MOOOOOOVE OUT!

A Dry Reunion....and encounter
Chuck: Whoa! Look at this desert!

Red: And the pigs have set up another tower out there...

Ice Bird: Well, we need to take-

Bubbles: Well hello guys!

All: Huh? Bubbles?

Bubbles: That‘s me!

Red: But how did you-

Bubbles: Same way I got here first time. Also I found someone. Say hi!

Poultron: GREETINGS. I AM POULTRON PROTOTYPE MARK IV. MECHANICAL RECREATION OF SUBJECT KNOWN AS “RED ANGRY BIRD”.

Red: And this is just sad. The pigs are plagiarizing me.

Ice Bird: This one sparks interest. Let’s take it with us.

Right-snout Pig
Ross: Well! Look who made it!

Red: Do we know you?

Ross: You little-! I’m Ross! Servant to the royal line of piggy island! And the king wants me to kick your tail-feathers!

Chuck: Wow, real nice. But I like my tail feathers intact. So I think we’ll kick YOURS!

Ross: Nice comeback, but there’s two problems. One, I have powers just like you! And two... I DONT HAVE FEATHERS!

On-screen text: Right-snout Pig: ROSS

The Pig Twist
Ross: You’ll pay for this... (flies away)

Helmet Pig: (Peeks from behind rock and tries to run away, but is interrupted by Terence.) Squeal!

Bomb: Goin’ somewhere?

Helmet Pig: Yes I was! I was on my way to the FEAST and my liege’s Palace! We’re feasting on EVERY EGG we found across the universe till we burst! Furthermore, my king will show everyone how we can get an UNLIMITED supply of eggs! With a portal!

Red: A portal?

Pig: Yes a portal! The one we made in Bacon Mesa! Sure there may have been an... accident with some monster bird there... but who cares! We’ll get those eggs! And if those monsters are released, they might eat you all!

Blues: What!

Pig: Yes, For there won’t be NOTHING THEY WON’T CONSUME!!

Matilda: Won’t... that mean..., they’ll eat you too?

Pig: (He spaces out, and his expression quickly changes to a scared one.) AAAH! No no please! You must stop him! Those beast birds will eat all my cousins! We’re pigs; not bacon! They’ll eat us all!

Chuck: Exaaaactly. So where is this feast?

Pig: Where the entire Pigships fleet gathered. You must stop him! Please!

(Galapig Empigre has no cutscenes.)

Breaking and Entering
Pig chanting in distance: We want eggs! We want eggs!

Chuck: Well. That chanting is oddly familiar, huh.

Red: Yeah.

Ice Bird: Those swines are starting their feast. Come on!

Party Popper
Pigs: WE WANT EGGS! WE WANT EGGS!

Chef Pig: Bring out ze eggs!

King Pig: Hohohoho! Big yummy omelets! HooHoo! I can’t wait!

(knocking on the door)

Guard Pig: (checks through door peephole) What’s the pas-(gets blown away by the destroyed door.)

Red: HEY!

King Pig: OH NO! THEY’RE HERE! (Grabs phone) Get the you-know-what!

Ice Bird: Stealing these birds eggs weren’t enough, so now you have to steal eggs from every planet?!

Chef Pig: Well. Zat’s kinda how ze Sus Scrofa species works, monsieur.

King Pig: Yeah... what he said!

Red: Look! The portal! We need to that down!

King Pig: (large ufo lands behind him.) You can try. But you cannot succeed! Now! We fight!

on-screen text: The Royal Swine: KING PIG

A short pigtory
King Pig: (cough) Pork.

Red: (leaps upward and smashes the portal machine.) Hyah! We did it! Yeah! ( The portal shrinks, but quickly grows back, surprising Red.) What the-

( Beast Birds start spilling out of the portal, roaring. One takes the net full of eggs into the portal with them. The pigs flee. One Beast Bird bites onto King Pig’s head, possessing him.)

King Pig: You... I... Me.... You have aggravated us. You decided to intrude in our peace without reason. Now we do the same. This new dimension.... What brings it holds... we would lie to see them. We will invade everywhere. As long... as long... as long as SHE keeps a single portal open, we. Shall. Conquer. Enjoy every last second you have. Now. As these beings have said....(grunting) Thanks for your hospitality! Hahahaha! (Gets sucked into the portal)

Chuck: Invade? Portals?! HOSPITALITY?!?!

Ice Bird: This is terrible! Those monsters are invading the universe!

Bomb: How are we gonna stop this?

Ice Bird: These portals... they require massive concentration from a singular object or being. Like an Eggstroid. So, some gargantuan entity must be holding these portals open!

Red: So to close the portals... ugh, we gotta go through one.

Ross: Hey, I’m coming too!

Matilda: Hey hey hey! Who said?

Ross: Look. I don’t like you guys as much as the next pig. But MY KING was taken. I vowed to the Great Leonard, I would protect his son at all costs! And I intend to do that!

Red: Well, the flocks pretty full so...... uh.... (scene change)

(The entire flock, plus Ross are in formation.)

Ross: Yeah! Ross!

Red: Let’s go. ( The birds charges into the portal.)

The Avillian Dimension
(A large line of pigs are entering the portal that leads to the hidden factory where episode 4 takes place. Beside the line is the Wardam, The Eggscavatork, and Thin Pig arguing.)

Wardam: Why did we listen to his majesty? Opening that portal and unleash those... things was a terrible idea.

Eggscavatork: It was your fault!

Thin Pig: I’m sorry, but how do I contribute to this calamity?

Wardam: You were the first Pig to witness one of those. You should’ve known better. And now, thanks to your arrogance, those monsters will EAT US ALL!

(Portals start appearing around, causing all the pigs to enter the factory portal at once. Thin Pig jumps in without hesitation. Wardam and Eggscavatork run towards the portal, bumping into each other as they do.)

Wardam: Out of my way, coward!

Eggscavatork: You’re the coward! (They jump in the portal, which closes immediately afterwards.)

(Meanwhile)

Red: Jeez, where are we?

Alien Bird: snirtebsoucreeldaiguoerhee.

Ice Bird: The monster holding open the portals must be here, we must hurry!

Flock: Agreed.

The Final Confrontation
(The birds enter a large cavern. The cave rumbles as they look around, with glowing mushrooms illuminating the room.)

Deep voice: ANGRY BIIIIIIIIIIIIIRDS....!

( The mushrooms glow around a large being embedded into the rock, revealing its face.)

On-screen text: THE ABYSSAL BIRD

Red: Alright. This is it! Let’s do this!

Flock: YEAH!

Ending
Abyssal Bird: (pained screaming)

Ice Bird: We need to make sure it’s destroyed! I have an idea! (gets on the slingshot, fires at the Abyssal Bird, freezing it.) EVERYONE, NOW!

(The birds jump on the slingshot in one large cluster, with the game telling the player to pull the slingshot.)

Flock:EYAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

(The Flock crashes into the Abyssal Bird’s frozen body, shattering it, and defeating for good. The cave starts collapsing after that. A portal appears, sucking everything in the room out, the birds, King Pig, and the eggs. The camera then pans out to show the planet the birds were on. Distant screaming is heard, then the planet explodes, disintegrating the entire universe it resides in.)

(The screen cuts to the birds lying unconscious in a field of grass, they wake up and see they are back on earth, along with the pigs. They cheer and calm down. The birds look up in the sky and see Ice Bird, Alien Bird, and Poultron returning to space with the alien eggs. The birds smile then turn around to look at their nest, to find it empty. They look over a hill and see a pig in a makeshift cart stealing with eggs, screaming. The Bad Piggies Theme starts playing as rolls away.)