Fat Pig Chronicles Episode 1 - Why is the Sky So High?

Also known as:

The History of Piggy Island as told by Pigineering, This was a piece of spur-of-the-moment fanfiction posted on Pigineering's Facebook page in April 2013.

Before Pigfall
Long ago, the Sky was quite low. If you stood on the top of Piggs Peak and stretched your hands up as high as they would go, you could touch the Sky.

At that time, far on the Horizon, where the Sky was always especially low, there was a village. In that village, in a little mud hut thatched with straw, there lived a White Angry Bird.

This White Angry Bird was the biggest Angry Bird in that village, possibly the oldest Angry Bird in the world. She was so old she no longer remembered any other way of being. She lived all alone in her little mud hut, for she had neither friend nor family left in this world. She had nowhere to go and no one to talk to. So all day long, she would potter round her hut, laying golden eggsteroids here and there and stacking them up into a huge pile that glinted majestically in the dying light of dusk.

One hot summer, the land was dry with thirst. There was a dry heat everywhere - on the trees, on the roofs of huts and houses, in people's throats and eyes, even in the air. Eric LeBacon, also known as the Fat Pig was in geosynchronous orbit around Piggy Island at the time and detected an anomalous golden glow on what would be today known as Piggs Peak. He let off gas in a retrograde orientation and descended to investigate.

Birth of the Piglantic Ocean
Entering the atmosphere at terrific speed, Fat Pig's hypersonic shockwave created so much disturbance on the Earth that huge dust clouds obscured sight of his landing target. Intense atmospheric turbulence started to disrupt his antigravitic warp field and he started to lose control of his incredible Moon-sized bulk.

Fat Pig crashed 1,500km short of his objective creating the massive crater that would be today's Piglantic Ocean. Stuck in the choking dust, Fat Pig started to sneeze and sneeze, sending shockwaves through the Earth accompanied by raging rainstorms that would not cease. The intense sneezing also released a lot of Fat Pig's interior gas, raising the level of the Earth's atmosphere to what is known today.

On the seventh day the sky was finally clear. White pillowy clouds soared at majestic altitudes over newly-formed mountain ranges and landmasses surrounded by sparkling seas.

Captain Bacon and Mister Pork finally repaired Eric LeBacon's integral warp core who, while undertaking the laborious task of achieving Earth escape velocity, vowed never to attempt planetary eggfall again.

The World of Bad Piggies as is Known Today
A small contingent of Piglish East India Company pioneers accompanied by roflcopter-borne infantry was dispatched to find those mythical golden eggs that attracted Fat Pig's attention. Making landfall at modern Piggy Island, the PEIC (pronounced as: "Pig") encountered stiff Angry Birds resistance but nevertheless established a secure bridgehead and commenced mining operations at suspected Golden Egg sites.

Today, the battle for egg supremacy between Angry Birds and Bad Piggies rages on. While the Angry Birds still rely on traditional ballistic slingshots for combat, the Bad Piggies have Fat Pig to thank for increasing the Earth's atmospheric density, paving the way for the development of modern lolplanes and roflcopters which are capable of operating at altitudes in excess of 60,000 feet.

The Future - Fat Pig Chronicles
Supported by the Starfleet Corps of Pigineers, Fat Pig goes boldly forward where no pig has gone before.